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Julie Leonard Life Coach

Helping you live to your full potential.

3 Tips for Managing Conflict

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​As a Life Coach, people frequently tell me about problems they have with someone and ask me  how to deal with it. The fact is where there are people there is conflict. It’s a part of life. Conflict arises wherever there are interactions – at work, with friends, between partners, within families.
 
And most of us don’t like any kind of conflict and therefore don’t handle it well.  Many want to avoid it or deny it is there which doesn’t make it go away but instead creates more possible conflict. Sometimes people try to resolve it using power to win at the others expense. Or people subtly manipulate the other person to get what they want.
This is because we often fear conflict and see it as negative. But I would like to suggest that in fact, when handled well, conflict can be seen as an opportunity for mutual growth, the strengthening of a relationship and to  bring closeness and respect.
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I haven’t always handled difficult situations well in the past (and I’m still working on it) but let me share with you my 3 useful strategies for coping with and resolving conflict:
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1.Take a Mindful Moment – pause, breathe and don’t immediately react. Take the heat out of the moment, create some distance between the situation and your emotions and take time to listen to how you feel and gather your thoughts.
 
2.Be more kind – see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Be empathic to the other person and let them know that they have been heard.
 
3.Use ‘I’ statements – talk to the person about how you feel and own your feelings. It reduces the chance of the other person becoming defensive.
  
Julie is hosting ‘Managing Conflict – 5 Communication Techniques for Successful Resolution’ on 21st March. Email for more info julie@potentiacentre.com
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Girls Night In!

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You don’t always have to go out, spend lots of money and have to make your way home late on a freezing cold night to have fun with your girlfriends. Staying in can be just as much fun and Potentia can help create the perfect night for you.

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I love spending quality time with my girlfriends, relaxed and comfortable and with a decent bottle of wine. Add to that a chance to be pampered and its the perfect night. Time to chat, laugh and have fun whilst learning something new is a great way to spend time together.

So I created the kind of Girls Night In that I would love. You gather your girlfriends and open the wine and I bring everything else. My Aromaparty is unique, interesting and fun. And I have so much fun too! As a qualified Aromatherapist with over 20 years experience I can pamper you while you relax with your friends.

My AromaParty includes:

  • 30 mins intro about the world of essential oils and how you can use them at home.
  • 25 mins massage each
  • Browse and buy my beautiful handmade natural products
  • Discount voucher off your next massage for each person
  • Special gift of products for the hostess

Email hello@julieleonardcoaching.com to discuss booking your fun night in.

Life Coaching – Why Kindness Matters and How to be Kinder

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Just after the US presidential elections, I was chatting with an American friend of mine and he told me he had felt so despondent after the election. In fact, he told me he had gone into a depression for a couple of weeks. As we spoke I told him that I had liked the hashtag #lovetrumpshate and how it had inspired me to think about creating a campaign, a kindness movement in 2017.

Life Coaching - Why Kindness Matters and How to be Kinder

This, in turn, triggered a memory of when I was at uni and my best friend nicknamed me Julie ‘Love’ Leonard as even waaayy back then I felt so strongly that one person can make a difference.

And just before Christmas I had the immense pleasure of hearing Jane Goodall speak at the Tollwood Festival and she so succinctly and eloquently brought together all the thoughts I had been throwing around in my mind and she was so inspirational in what she has achieved with her own humanitarian projects. She is 80 years old and travels 300 days of the year to deliver her talks!

And I believe more than ever in 2017 with Trump and Brexit and so much hatred, racism, misogyny, and fear that it is time we start to be even kinder to ourselves, to our partners, our children, friends, family and strangers. It’s time to spread kindness and love and I do believe that love can ultimately win over hate.

So how can we be kinder?

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1. Be more Mindful. By being more present and conscious of our thoughts and actions we can choose to be more kind to people in how we speak to them and act towards them.

2. Perform acts of kindness every day. Call a friend, talk to a stranger, write a letter, say thank you, buy someone a gift…the list is endless. Make an effort to do a small act of kindness every day and see how it makes you feel and those around you too.

3. Join a kindness challenge. There are many challenges out there such as the Advent Calendar or the  Kinder Scotland challenge via Kind spring. Or why not create your own challenge and invite friends and family to join.

4. Donate to charity.   There are so many worthy causes out there, big and small, local and national and International.

5. Volunteer with charity. There are so many ways to get involved and help others. Why not support refugees or transform some community green spaces or walk dogs in the local shelter.

6. Create (or join) a movement.  Social media has changed how we can mobilize people into action and make large and small changes in people’s lives. Change.org and Justgiving are two examples where ordinary people can make a difference. Find a cause you are passionate about and join or create your own.

Join my Kindness Movement

Together we can make a difference!

Mindfulness –  How to Turn the School Run in to a Happiness Moment

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Getting out of the house in the morning can be a challenge! Most of you will have seen this but it makes me laugh so much every time!

I will soon be getting myself and my toddler out the door to get to the Tagesmutter. It isn’t always going to be easy to stay calm and present. Children don’t always want to go with our schedule! But how we handle these minutes at the start of the day sets the tone not only for our day but for our child’s too.

I have been practicing Mindfulness for over 10 years and can’t emphasise enough the benefits of it. Being mindful is being fully present in the moment, paying attention. I often describe it as seeing the world through the eyes of the child. They are fully present and engaged and find wonder and joy in all that surrounds them.

Once out of the house, Mindful Walking can change our mornings and our moods from stressed and harassed to calm and happy.

Mindful walking is a simple way of being mindful every day. Most of us do some walking in our day. Whether it is from the house to the bus stop or from the u-bahn to the office or a walk to the shops, we can all find ways to incorporate mindful walking in to our day. And you will find huge benefits if you are more mindful with your child on the way to kindergarten/school as well as on the return journey alone.

So, on the way to school, take a deep breath and with your child draw awareness to all the sensations around you – the warm sun on your skin, the breeze on your face, the sound of birds, the smell of flowers, the colour of the leaves….Try to be more like your child and see the joy in all that is around you. You will then arrive at kindergarten/school with a happy child who will interact and learn much better.

Now, it’s time for you to walk mindfully back home or wherever your next stop is. When our minds are busy, stressed or going too fast bringing awareness to our body helps counteract that. Walking mindfully is walking normally but with more attention to our walking. To help you walk more mindfully:

  • Bring your awareness in to your body and to its movements as you walk – Each time you get distracted, simply bring your awareness back to your body and its movements.
  • Bring your attention to the soles of your feet – This is especially good if you are rushing or are feeling anxious. Notice the weight of your body down through your feet, and be aware of the ground supporting your feet.
  • Use a counting technique – This is very good if you are distracted or stressed. Count after each step – 1,2,3….until 8 and then count backwards to 1.
  • Use words or phrases – Adding phrases can help you stay in the experience. Try something like ‘walking mindfully’ or pick your own.
  • Let go – Pay attention to any feelings of stress or tension and walk and let go of them.
  • Have awareness of the nice sensations – Your body moving, the warm sun on your skin, the breeze on your face, the sound of birds, the smell of flowers, the colour of the leaves….

Over the coming days, pay attention to how walking more mindfully makes you feel. Do you feel calmer, happier, more relaxed, focused? In a matter of days you will begin to see a change in how you feel. So whether you walk to school, walk to the car or walk to the bus or train, say goodbye stressful mornings, hello quality time with your children and more happiness.

Interested in learning more about Mindfulness and how to make it part of your daily life? Let’s start working together to help you achieve a happier life. More details are here

Tips on How to Embrace Hygge

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Anyone who knows me, knows that I am passionate about happiness and I have been fascinated with Denmark and why year after year they are voted the happiest people. I highly recommend A Year of Living Danishly by Helen Russell for  a fun insight in to Danish happiness. And I am now reading The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking which has inspired me to go one step further than de-cluttering and to embrace the Danish art of Hygge.

It’s been a long dark winter and we still have a while to go. So now is the time to sort, organise and de-clutter in preparation for Spring coming whilst enjoying those cozy nights in.

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Here are My Top Tips to a Warm and Happy Winter:

Take up the challenge! 
I regularly complete the The Minimalists 30 day de-cluttering challenge. On day 1 get rid of 1 thing, day 2 get rid of 2 things and so on until 30 things on day 30. Almost 500 items de-cluttered. Sounds like a lot? Well the average family home has 27000 items so this is just a drop in the ocean. So give it a go. Ask friend sand family to join you and have fun!

Donate, sell and recycle the stuff you don’t need and help charities in the process. Feel lighter, fresher, happier and less stressed. Clear space and get organised. The Minimalists 30 day challenge

Embrace the Joy Konmari Style
Marie Kondo in her book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying encourages us to de-clutter and to only keep the things that bring us joy. We all have stuff that we don’t like but feel we need to keep- that candleholder from a friend,a cardigan from your mother in law, the wedding presents that aren’t your style. Now is the time, guilt free, to say thank you for being in my life, now I give you to someone else.

Keep only the things that fit in with your vision of who you are and the lifestyle you want to have and most of all surround yourself with the things that bring you joy.

Style your home with the Danish art of Hygge 
‘Danes do ‘cosy’ like no other nation. Your average home will look like something out of an ideal home supplement: lots of natural materials like wood and leather, lamps artfully positioned to create soothing pools of light’ Helen Russell A Year of Living Danishly
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Even though they are submerged in long dark winters the Danes have been voted the happiest people for the past 30 years. Hygge doesn’t really translate as one word but rather a way of life but it is a lot about creating a warm and cosy atmosphere with real fires, lots and lots of candles and time together as a family or with friends.

So whether it is snuggling up with your partner and some gluhwein after the kids are in bed or having a family day on the sofa watching a movie or inviting friends to dinner, make your house warm and cosy and inviting and embrace the hygge.

Julie Leonard is  a Life Coach, De-Cluttering Expert and Aromatherapist who is passionate about Happiness and supporting women to transform their lives and live to their potential.

A version of this article was previously featured in the Über Moms Newsletter last year.

30 Day De-cluttering challenge Part 2

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de-cluttering challengeSo my 30 days of The De-cluttering Challenge are up!

Wow, it has been so much fun and motivating. I got a little buzz off the challenge of increasing the number of items every day. And I feel that I have achieved a lot. There are areas that seem less cluttered. Large toys are now gone. And I feel mentally lighter and not crowded by stuff we don’t need any more.

How many items out of the target 465 did I remove? 448! Not quite the target but a considerable amount of stuff no longer in our apartment.

I found that most of the things that I was able to remove were from my little one’s room. Having a young toddler means that they outgrow clothes and toys so quickly, almost week to week. I had bags and bags of clothes, some never worn that were now too small. I worked through the summer clothes and posted a lot for sale. I have still to go through the winter clothes so there are still plenty of items to de-clutter!

Also being a full time mum and running my own business meant there was not much time to devote to de-cluttering. I really wanted to get stuck in to our cellar but with a little one on the go most of the day, it wasn’t always easy to do large clear outs.

However, I already feel the impact of having less things and I made some money too. And I know there is still so much to go through. Maybe I need another 30 day challenge………!

Check out the game here: http://www.theminimalists.com/

Happy de-cluttering!

And if you feel that you need some help check out my de-cluttering service.

The 30 Day De-Cluttering Challenge

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As a De-cluttering Expert I spend much of my day supporting people to get order in their homes and lives and gain more time and energy. I often tell them about the health benefits to de-cluttering. The emotional and physical impact of clutter. And how it is much much more than just having a tidy house. It is about gaining order, having less stuff and creating more time and space for the really important stuff. And ultimately how it can lead to much more happiness in your life.

De-Cluttering Challenge

And I often direct them to The Minimalists website as well as this fantastic TedTalk. One of the fun things The Minimialist’s do is the 30 Day Minimalism Game. Over 30 days you clear out 1 item on day 1, 2 items on day 2, 3 items on day 3 and so on until you clear 30 items on day 30. In total, you will clear out 465 items! I know what you are thinking, I don’t have that much stuff to throw away! Wrong! With the average family home having around 27,000 items in it, 465 is but a mere fraction.

I recently ran a workshop on de-cluttering and mentioned this game as a fun way to de-clutter. And I thought to myself, I would love to do this. The thing is, 2 years ago I did an extreme de-clutter as I packed up my life to move from Scotland to Munich and reduced 40 years of belongings to 9 boxes. Then at the beginning of this year we moved house again and we did a major de-clutter of clothes and furniture. And as a de-cluttering Expert I know that de-cluttering is an ongoing process and believe I do this regularly. But as June was coming up I felt it was a perfect 30 day month to try the game.

So what does a de-cluttering Expert de-clutter?

Well, I am halfway through the De-Cluttering Challenge. 15 days means 120 items out. And I have, so far, found it surprisingly easy. Last month I participated in a Make -up workshop with the wonderful Noleen Sliney and realized that I still needed to throw out some of my make-up – things that had been open more than 6 months, things I barely used but were expensive, make-up I will never use. Well there was 20 items straight away! And although I have a small amount of clothes I found that there were still some items I could donate that, if I was honest, I will never wear again. I also still had my pregnancy and breastfeeding clothes so I was able to donate some to the refugee accommodation near me and sell the rest.

Now, the second half of the De-Cluttering Challenge. As a working mother, I have many obstacles to de-cluttering and staying de-cluttered. The main one being time! But this challenge is motivating and fun and it feels good to clear and be organized. So watch this space for how I get on as I increase the amount of items I get rid of. Will I get rid of the target 465 items?

For more fun tips on De-Cluttering take a look at this post.

Forget Your New Year Resolutions!

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Did you make some New Year Resolutions? Have you managed to stick to them or, like many of us, have they slipped and not really become a habit or produced the results you hoped for?

The problem with making New Year Resolutions is that they are for the most part too vague. Typically we say things like ‘I want to lose weight’, ‘I want to eat healthily’, ‘I want to get fit’, ‘I want a new job’, ‘I want to find love’. These are the ultimate goals but there is no real plan of action.

And if there is no plan then we often give up quickly. Research tells us that it takes at least 21 days to make something a habit, longer if it is something big.

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So what can you do?

  1. Be specific – eg how much weight do you want to lose, how exactly will you do it.
  2. Accountability – tell someone your plans and ask them to be your accountability partner
  3. Set goals – Break it down and set small achievable goals
  4. Ask for help – Get the right support, advice and motivation from a professional. There are excellent Personal Trainers, Life Coaches and Nutritionists all trained to support you reach your goals.
  5. Tackle one goal at a time – trying to change everything at once is less likely to work.

So, what are your goals for 2016?

Need support? I now have appointments available, including baby friendly sessions and flexible sessions for busy mums.