I recently realized that I’m not good at asking for help. I genuinely thought I was. As a Coach I am always encouraging people to do so, to reach out to others and get support. And I like to think that I would help anyone and support anyone if they needed it. In fact, it feels good when I can help others.

However, a few weeks ago, I found myself in a situation where I needed to ask for help and was uncomfortable and overwhelmed when good friends helped me out. When I dug deeper I realized that I worried about overstepping the friendship and also about taking too much without giving. I do know that I give a lot to others and that I’m not just a taker but it’s something I need to continually work on in myself.

Does any of this resonate with you?

So, currently when I have these limiting beliefs, I’m asking myself:

•  Is this a true statement?
•  What are the facts?
•  Have I ever helped this person?
•  Am I kind?
•  If I was telling a friend about my situation and wanting to ask for  help, what would they say?
• How do I feel when someone asks me for help and allows me to help them?

Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness

And when we don’t, we lose out on that support adn we also deprive others who would love to do so, of the chance to help us.

WHAT I’M READING:

Dare To Lead by Brene Brown

I’ve read all her books and her latest one is a powerful read, all about exploring our vulnerability.

WHAT I’M LISTENING TO:

I’m late to the game, but I’ve suddenly got into podcasts and I love them. I listen to them when I am out walking or taking the train. A current favorite is Before Breakfast.

I believe that self-care is an important act of self-love. For Valentines Day this year, I have planned a date night with my partner and we are off to a concert. For me, going to see live music makes me so happy, makes me feel alive, leaves me with lasting memories and is something just for me. In fact, I have a whole calendar of gigs lined up for this year because this is something fun yet important for my self-care. Some of those concerts I will go to with friends or my partner, the rest I will go to by myself. Going alone won’t stop me. Along with the music, I plan in monthly spa mornings too. And of course, there is my monthly waxings, health care appointments, and exercise. And the obvious, eating healthy, drinking plenty of water, and getting adequate sleep (which proved exceptionally challenging last year!)

Self Care makes me the best version of myself

You see, even though I’m extremely busy and even though I sometimes feel guilty that I should be doing something else, what I have learned over the 30 years I have supported women is that self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential. Self-care nourishes my mind, body, and spirit. And self-care makes me not only more productive, but it also makes me a better mama, partner, friend, colleague, and neighbor. Self-care reduces my stress levels, reduces the worry and anxiety, calms my mind, improves my mood, I’m less irritated, less short-tempered and much more fun!

Why a clear concept of self care is key

The key is that I have a very clear concept of self-care and its importance on my health and relationships. If you don’t have a concrete idea of what self-care is then you are less likely to commit to and succeed at regular self-care.

Blocks to self-care

Many of the women that I Coach don’t have this strong idea of self-care for many reasons:

1. They don’t get how important it is in their lives.
2. They often think self-care is doing nothing (and therefore not a productive use of time)
3. They feel guilty that they should be doing something else instead (such as housework, work, shopping and just about anything else)
4. They don’t feel they are worth it
5. They think it is a waste of money
6. Or a luxury
7. They don’t have time
8. They put everyone else’s needs first

Do any of these resonate with you? In general, women are nurturers and often put others first. However, taking care of yourself and recharging your batteries will make you more effective and productive in your own life, you will also find happiness and self love.

10 ways to build self-care into your life

I’d love to share some exercises to support you to build self-care into your life.

1. Write down all the positive benefits to you and those around you if you were to prioritize your self-care. Take time to reflect upon just how much of a difference it would make to you and the impact regular self-care would have on your health and wellbeing as well as those around you.

2. Write down the self-care rituals, hobbies, and appointments that you personally enjoy and make you feel great! What do you love, what did you used to do, what would you like to do? Now is the time to write that wish list of self-care.

3. Create your own personal self-care plan that works for you. Everyone is different and we all have different needs to work out what is best for you and your lifestyle.

4. Find a Moment for Me Time. This is just 10-15 minutes a day to enjoy a tea or coffee, drink that extra glass of water, read an inspirational article, do some stretches, light a candle, burn your essential oils, go for a walk. Begin to think of yourself each day and do something nice for you. You are worth it.

5. Create healthy rituals. Go to bed at the same time each night, create a nighttime routine, take a bath, schedule a massage, go to a weekly exercise class. These will soon become habits and daily routines.

6. Be present. When we are tired and stressed it is easy to slip into numbing activities. Scrolling mindlessly on FB and losing time, watching tv all evening, eating chocolate, having a glass of wine are the more unhealthy tools we use to disengage and numb our feelings. (I’m not saying don’t enjoy your Netflix series or some nice chocolate or a glass
of wine, but enjoy them mindfully and not as a crutch when you are overtired and overwhelmed)

7. Unplug. Technology now means we are always connected and often expected to respond immediately to messages and emails. There is often a fear of missing out if we are not constantly checking our phones. Become more conscious of unplugging each day. Is the first thing you do each day switching on your phone? Is it the last thing you
look at night. I switch my phone off by 9 pm to focus time on me and my partner. Become more conscious of not always checking your phone. Even remove app’s or sound alerts so that you are not tempted to respond to that ding

8. Make time for self-care. Put it in your diary. I have to do this with exercise. It was something that I found hard to remember to do in my day. I was so busy and focused on work and my child that I would reach the end of the day only to realize yet again I hadn’t done my exercises. So I put it in my calendar. Like an appointment. And stuck to it. I prioritised it and fitted other things around it. It’s perfectly ok to put journaling, go for a walk, yoga or whatever you need in your calendar each day

9. Create a positive affirmation about self-care. Say it every day to remind yourself that you are important, you need it and you are worth it!

10. And finally, build some laughter into your day. It’s an excellent stress buster. Watch a youtube video, listen to your favorite comedian, tell a joke, listen to your kid’s stories or reminisce about funny stories from your past.

February is the month of love and the perfect time to begin to build self-love into your daily life.

Take a look at this other post if you are a mom, looking for specific tips on how to include self-care into your daily routine

So the school year has begun and I’ve spent the summer preparing for my son to start Kindergarten. And by doing so, it means we have started the school year relaxed and organized. And my I hope is that it will make our transition to a new routine less stressful.

As a decluttering expert, I know that by planning ahead, decluttering, and getting organised, you will transition into the new school and /or work routine with ease. And it’s not too late to get started. Here I share 10 ways I prepared for the transition.

1. I organised my child’s wardrobe

As summer draws to an end, I have decluttered my son’s wardrobe. He grew out of most of his clothes over the summer, so some I donated, and those that weren’t in great shape I swapped at H&M for their 15% discount voucher. I could then make a clear list of what he needs for Kindergarten as we move towards winter. Already I have looked out for rainwear and warm gloves, hats and scarves because as you know the weather can change dramatically from one day to the next.

2. I also organised my wardrobe

There are days when I need several outfit changes. A typical day for me is dropping my son off at childcare (outfit 1), going to a massage appointment (outfit 2), home to coach clients (outfit 3), picking up my son and going to the park (outfit 4), and of course finally pyjamas! (outfit 5). I wanted to avoid getting stressed as I frantically search for what I need and so I did one of my regular wardrobe declutter sessions and organised my wardrobe. I put away my beachwear, a good portion of my summer clothes and said goodbye to anything worn out. I could then see what gaps were in my wardrobe and could invest in good rain boots and a rain jacket as well as some warm winter jumpers and new jeans.

3. I created a workspace for my son

I bought a little desk and chair and some cool Montessori pencil organisers and made a nice place for us to draw, paint and do stickers. I also bought a plastic box that I filled with all the craft items that fits under the desk. It keeps it all in one place and tidy too! This idea also works well for school age kids to have a designated area to complete their homework.

4. I created a filing system for paperwork

One of the major contributors to clutter in our home is paperwork, and as a child starts school there will be much more arriving each day. I recently found these two boxes from Soho to use as a filing system to keep on top of paperwork and keep organised. Follow these easy steps:

-Each day, open all your post and empty school bags.
-Recycle envelopes and junk mail.
-Place any mail that requires to be actioned in the first drawer, e.g. bill to pay, form to fill in.
-In the second drawer put immediately any mail that has to be filed.

And once you complete drawer one, you can move paperwork to a drawer two.

-Regularly empty drawer 2 and file paperwork.

This system means you always deal with important paperwork and don’t overlook anything.

5. I reorganised and stocked my food cupboards

I recently got a number of large glass jars which I decorated with cute labels and orgnanised my food cupboards with all the healthy foods we need. I stocked up the fridge with the fresh food we need for packed lunches and dinners and I continued with my batch cooking and freezing of leftovers to have quick healthy meals available on those busy evenings.

6. I created an new evening routine

I began getting us in to an evening routine to make it more relaxed, and for it to become a habit. I have also begun to prepare a lot the night before (clothes, snacks, bags, etc), which means I go to bed tired but feeling on top of things.

7. I started getting up earlier

This is the hard one for me! I love my sleep and can never get enough. But I know if I get up a little before my son and get showered and ready before he gets up I am much less frazzled and can calmly focus on getting him ready. Then we both leave the house in a better mood and it’s a happier start to the day.

8. I created a memory box

I have a memory box for each year of my son’s life (I can indulge a little, he is an only child). I have the fourth one labeled and set up in my cellar where I can quickly and easily transfer anything I want to keep. So each time I have birthday cards, an outfit or a toy I want to keep I simply transfer it straight in to the box. This is also extremely helpful as kids got to school and bring home projects and art. You can simply filter and put straight in the box, avoiding clutter and losing precious mementoes.

9. I stocked up on medicine

In the winter we can go through a lot of paracetamol and nose balm so I regularly sort through our medicine box and restock out first aid kits. With the start of kindergarten and autumn coming, I threw out any opened or out of date medicine and stocked up on new supplies for when needed.

10. I continued my daily practice of gratitude

As we transition to new routines, daily life can become extremely busy and at times stressful or difficult. Taking a few minutes each night to write in my Gratitude Journal reminds me of the wonderful events from the day, puts me in a positive mindset, and helps me sleep better.

This article was originally published by me in Uber Moms.

Are those days gone when you regularly went to the hairdressers, got your nails done, enjoyed a spa day, or even remembered your regular check-ups at the dentist?

Before I had a child, I had so much freedom and free time to enjoy regular me-time and didn’t think twice about planning in some self-care. But after my son was born, for a long time it came very far down the list, until I started taking my own advice and began to think about my self-care.

When I talk to women about self-care, the two most common reasons for not prioritizing it are TIME and GUILT. Does this resonate with you, too? Feeling so busy that there never seems to be time to take care of yourself? Or do you feel guilty at the thought of going off on a spa day or treating yourself at the hairdressers? That you shouldn’t spend that money, or that you should be doing other things, like taking care of the kids, housework and tackling that endless to-do list?

So, I’m just going to say it. STOP FEELING GUILTY!!!! You are worth it. And quite frankly, if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be the best version of yourself. If you burn out, then your whole family suffers. If you decide that you are worth taking care of, the way you take care of others, then you will be a better woman, friend, mother, wife, partner, colleague and human being.

LET GO of guilt

Know YOU ARE WORTH IT

It DOES make a difference

Let me share some really simple ways to begin to incorporate self-care into your life, guilt-free and time effective.

Five Passive Ways to Self Care – and Feeling Fabulous!

These tips don’t require any time commitment, and minimal effort, but can have a huge and immediate effect on how you feel. Which one will you try first?

1. Wear lipstick
   I was talking with my good friend Ginny the other day, and she said to me that putting on her lipstick always transforms how she feels. So after you apply your lip balm, reach for your lippy and see an instant transformation.
2. Put on your beautiful underwear
   I no longer keep my good sets for special occasions. Whenever I can, I wear my nicest, sexiest underwear, even though it’s only me who knows I am wearing it. Swapping my sports bra and big pants for a sexier matching set gives me confidence as I go about my day.
3. Smell nice
   Don’t keep those nice perfume bottles sitting on your shelf gathering dust. A quick spritz of your favourite scent does wonders for you. And remember, these perfumes have a shelf life, so don’t waste them; use them. Turn an occasional luxury in to an everyday feel-good moment.
4. Diffuse oils
   You all know how much I love essential oils. And what is a simpler way to change your environment and affect your mood than through the power of Aromatherapy. So light up that oil diffuser and add a couple of drops of your favourite oil, and breathe. You can find a range of essential oils here.
5. Drink water
   My good friend and Holistic Nutritionist, Monika Bock, says the best thing that you can do for your health is to drink lots of water. And she is so right. It’s simple. So fill up your water bottle, and look and feel great.

Five One Minute Wonders

I can totally empathise with you if you feel that you never get a minute to yourself. If this is you, then you urgently need to prioritise some self care! Here are my 60 second suggestions that actually make a difference. Choose one and start today!

1. Breathe
   When you are super busy, the kids are screaming, or you feel frazzled or overwhelmed, simply pause and take three deep breaths. Then keep breathing. It’s an instant calmer.
2. Colour
   Your kids love it and you see how focussed and calm they are when they are colouring. But colouring is not just for kids. I teach it in my mindfulness course, and it’s always a surprise hit. Chances are you’ve been given an adult colouring book as a present. Dig it out and colour for one minute. Or use your kids’ colouring books and pencils, or join in with your children. Focusing on a relaxing activity calms your mind, distracts your thoughts and relaxes you.
3. Plank
   If, like me, you are finding it hard to find a consistent time to exercise, then consider that just 60 seconds (or 45 in my case!) of plank pose works your core muscles and strengthens your back.
4. Read
   Reading is a great escape, and finding a quick read can really lift our mood. Two of my favourite magazines have online sites where there are short articles related to health, well-being and lifestyle. Try Psychologies or Breathe Magazine for a minute of Me Time.
5. Gratitude
   Take one minute before you fall into bed to write down three things you are grateful for. Research tells us that people who practice gratitude are happier. And it also creates a positive mindset that aids a better sleep.

Try these tips as a start to your new self care regime and feel the difference a little Me Time can make to your health.

Want to talk more about self care? Join me on July 30th over on My Mama Tribe with Jailan Heidar for my webinar, “Self Care For Busy Moms”. Or email me at hello@julieleonardcoaching.com to schedule a Free Discovery Call to chat about how I can help.

This article was originally publihed by me at Uber Moms.